He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
