I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
