Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
