went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish you could order shots online.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
