who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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