it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
