you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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