It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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