thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
