it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
