Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
