Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
