Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
