"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
