i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize