can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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