Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
