he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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