The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
