Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
