i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We need to get me chipped asap
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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