So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
