im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
