would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
