I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
