if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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