I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
