He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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