do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
