My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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