They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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