the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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