I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
