So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
