I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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