Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
