This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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