I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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