you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize