Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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