he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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