actually, I'm a sock model
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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