literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
