I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
