He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
