my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
