do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
