did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
