I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
