I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
