dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
