So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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