Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
