I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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