my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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