thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize