i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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