Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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