he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
