okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
