how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
