How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
