Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
