so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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