Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
